The Reason You’re Attracted to Someone Isn’t Why You Think

When you see a man or woman in a room full of people and you feel as if your heart is pulling you to them. 

You instantly think you met your “soulmate” and the feeling reverberates through your chest and stomach. You feel it as if it is the realest thing you’ve ever felt. There is a lot more to human attraction than we all think. 

Psychologists like Freud and Jung, have conducted many studies and found humans choose a partner based on the similarities of their parents. You were heavily reliant on them, and in their flaws and ignorance, they endured obstacles in raising you. Maybe they were abusive, manipulative, demanding, and possessive. 

Or you had parents who were kind, gentle, supportive, helpful, loving and affectionate. You could have been through a mixture of these traits. Your views of love is created between them time in the womb to 3-5 years old. 

What you feel for another person in a romantic sense, is a subconscious desire to heal your inner pain endured in your childhood. We consciously want bliss and all that is love, and we fall into this early in the relationship. When it comes to the subconscious, it works to act on desire and emotion. This is in what is called an “imago match.” Our subconscious is the imago which acts like a child when first formed.

The subconscious never follows reason, and only wants what it wants, pushing aside politeness, social norms, compassion etc. It is a biological computer that stores information like your memories, what happened to you over time, when young, they possibly won’t be stored in your memory. Some say they crossed over from a past life. 

The First Stage of Love: The Chemistry Experiment

In the beginning, we feel innocent and like gold, even if we hadn’t been treated that way before. Neurochemicals like dopamine, norepinephrine, and phenylethylamine fill our system, as we are bombarded with substances that make us sweat, and that butterfly feeling in our stomachs and makes our heart beat fast. The euphoric feeling we feel in beginning stages of a relationship is imperative for us to mingle with someone who helps us to heal our hurt, and our subconscious is fully aware who the person is. 

When the relationship begins to feel burdensome and tiring, we have come into the second phase of love, which is the “struggle.” It is essential that we view this stage as a short term one. If you find yourself with someone who starts to withhold affection, ignores you, looks down on you, or treats you lesser than usual, then there’s a change coming down the road. Its time to move past them and go forward. Whatever the cause/reason, they aren’t the one for you to fulfill inner emotional healing that’s required for true love. 

This person could have shown you your wounds by hurting you the way you were hurt in the past, to make you more conscious of the need for inner healing, however they won’t be the foundation leading to change. In the beginning stages, love is an altered state of consciousness we feel that comes close to bliss in our heart and soul. 

The Second Stage of Love: The Power Struggle

When it comes to the second stage, signs are different than the beginning. You will feel unloved and unwanted, than euphoric and ecstatic, as you begin to realize your partner fails to meet your emotional needs. You will learn how to have those needs met from a compassionate means, but in this phase, it looks like this:

• Frustration and despair take the place of elation and bliss
• Every button we have feels like it is being pushed or triggered (and it’s supposed to be!)
• There is a lack of true connection
• There may be explosive fighting and reconciliation
• It is probable that there will be constant, low-level anxiety and pain in both partners as they repeat the emotional patterns of their childhoods
• He or she doesn’t feel loved so they start pulling away or becoming reclusive
• The opposite partner feels abandoned and acts out
• Someone cries a lot; someone yells a lot
• Excuses and blame are the norm
• We tend to see only the negatives in our partners and forget about all the positives

It is important to note that this won’t last forever. However, not many relationships get through this stage due to misunderstandings of its importance. It is through this that our souls will do one thing: have a relationship miracle or break up. 

The Third Stage: True Love

When we face exhaustion from our inner struggle being in connection with another person’s wonder soul, we might “give up.” We might even upgrade the relationship. Conscious love is not all about fighting and chemistry. There is no bribing, abandonment of emotions, collusion, or any convincing that will bring us the love we need. Instead we grow. We expand ourselves and learn other ways to express our hearts, needs, feelings of rejection, fear, or abandonment. 

Both parties will recognize how they create outcomes and behaviors by their own actions in the relationship. They both become open to displaying love to their partners the way they need to receive it, instead of relying on withdrawal, force, and manipulation. They start to support the other person rather than look to have their needs be met.

With this happening, a healthy shift begins to occur. We lower our guard we raised up to defend ourselves when we were young and hurt.We become much more open to love, intimacy-emotionally, spiritually, sexually, and physically. 

We will feel whole and full of life, but these neurochemicals that were in the beginning stages of love will be replaced by a mix of chemicals similar to what expert meditators on compassion feel-like a Buddhist monk, we start to react differently to life’s “slings and arrows.” More plasticity in the brain evolves, our immunity is enhanced and nervous system is calmed down. We are not in a fight or flight state all the time, and even with challenges, we accept what happens in our lives-delivering us freedom to love positively.

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The Reason You’re Attracted to Someone Isn’t Why You Think The Reason You’re Attracted to Someone Isn’t Why You Think Reviewed by Jamm Real on 01:00:00 Rating: 5
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